Arpana Greenwood

What is manipulation, what is influence?

We are confronted daily with vast amounts of multi-media information composed through today's advanced tools of high technology. Precisely calculated visual effects, subtle (possibly even subliminal audio) components and many multi-messages bombard us constantly, whether we are aware of it or not. These messages come to us via television, radio, signs, the Internet and many other forms of today's hi-tech world.

Did you ever experience buying an item that you didn't really need, later wondering why or what made you buy it? We would probably be utterly upset if we knew how many subliminal advertisement messages are penetrating our unconscious on a daily basis. We might be even more upset if we knew how skillfully those techniques are used. Is this manipulation?

Let's look at an example of a woman who experiences anxiety. She feels overwhelmed and quickly closes herself off. She can't manage the steps in life she wishes to accomplish. Her mother told her from early on that life is dangerous and that she must be on guard at all times.

Was this woman manipulated by her mother? Some might say that these are simply her natural traits. I don't think so. What is natural? Tension, anxiety, depression and most of our accumulated pains are not natural. Relaxation, trust and feeling good are natural. In today's society, we need to relearn how to get back to our intrinsic nature.

Let's look at another example. Say you repetitively miss your daily exercise program. You want to improve your health and so you make a conscious decision to exercise every day. While you are making crucial efforts to do so, something seems to prevent you from staying committed. Somehow, you don't manage to follow your own conscious will and you don't get to the gym. Could there be a program in you that influences your actions, or perhaps even manipulates you?

We are asleep to many factors that cause us to act. Many of our inner programs are running us. Another way to say it is that we are running situations and other people by those inner programs. We are unconsciously manipulated to a high extent and we unconsciously manipulate others every day. The question left is: Do we just let this happen or do we become more conscious and act accordingly?

Of course, there is not only unconscious manipulation. Skills and tools can be misused in order to mislead others. For example, a vacuum cleaner sales person might be trained to make you buy a vacuum cleaner that you don't need or want. We could call this a form of unethical manipulation.

When do we follow suggestions, and when do we not? Our unconscious is filled with stimulus response mechanisms, filters and perceptual patterns. Everything we experience is stored in the unconscious in a coded form. It is with us and influences us wherever we go and whatever we do. What we see, hear and feel enters our unconscious. A permanent meaning-making process of linking and associating, through forms of inner pictures, voices or sound effects and felt sensations happens constantly. It is with us and influences us wherever we go and whatever we do.

Our thinking is directly connected to our inner sensory experience and our neuropathways, which are attached to our muscles and so directly influence our behavior. If this were an unalterable fact, wouldn't it make sense to go on a quest to learn how to use this unalterable fact rather than letting it use us? Isn't this really about intention?

A skilled car mechanic could intentionally damage a car so that it is destroyed beyond repair. He could also fix it so it runs perfectly. What really counts is the intention behind the application. An ethical intention would always validate and respect the wishes of each human being involved. The responsibility for an outcome is given to the one desiring it and to no one else. Intentful manipulation is unethical.

Neuro-linguistic programming is a science of ethical influence. The intention is to increase the quality of personal interactions and attentive care. NLP teaches us how to be more aware of the influencing process that is already happening and how to apply it more consciously. For example, the same tools the vacuum salesperson may forcefully apply for persuasion might also be applied to promote higher respect and appreciation of the other person. You can learn to make a difference between listening to your mother's program or creating one that is more beneficial for you. You can explore your mind and find out how your daily physical exercise is prevented; with simple changes, you can successfully get to the gym tomorrow.

In order to increase your alertness of influence, begin to pay greater attention to how people, language, media and other input influences you. Learning more about your neuropathways and inner programs happens by sharpening your sensory acuity. The unconscious speaks to all of us in nonverbal aspects of communication. Pay attention to changes in facial expressions and gestures, muscles tensing or relaxing, and shifts in skin color or breathing patterns. If the verbal language doesn't match these cues, there is incongruity. Trust your inner responses.

Discovering patterns can be your key to tuning in and gathering information in a reliable manner. For example, are you more aware of inner dialogue, images, or feelings that let you know whether or not you like what is presently happening? Building a more useful response can be as simple as stepping out of an experience by making a physical movement, shifting your breathing, moving your head or shoulder posture, or changing your voice and reconnecting with your intention.

We can all learn to run our inner programs rather than letting our inner programs run us. We can learn to influence others and ourselves more consciously.